Shape shifting

As I have aged my body has changed. Some for the better, some not so much. As I have aged I have changed my body as well:

I’ve fed it…great things, bad things, poisonous things, restorative things. All manner of things over the many decades I have inhabited this form. My diet has affected my shape, my skin, my hair, my internal organs…especially my brain.

I’ve exercised it…sometimes too much; causing harm, sometimes not enough; causing decay. The interesting thing is that for the most part the movements I have subjected my body to have given it great pleasure. I have run, jumped, stretched, swam, dove, ridden horses, ridden motorcycles, skied, hiked, made love, done yoga, bicycled. So many wonderful things that I can hardly remember them all and yet my body does. It remembers casting for trout in Tennessee, sailing in Tortola, diving in Raja Ampat, giving birth in Wisconsin, skiing into a tree in the Alps…it remembers it all.

I’ve changed it mechanically with artificial parts added, replacing worn out old ones: crowns and veneers for my teeth, lenses for my eyes, color for my hair, implants for my breasts, new and improved lady parts without cancerous tissue. I’ve done waxing, plucking, peeling, sculpting, stretching oh my god so many manipulations of my dear carcass and yet it loyally remains in service.

I’ve medicated it: added hormones of various types, supplements to improve my bones, my bladder, my sex life, my brain function, my joints, my immune system. I take the occasional antibiotic, then follow it with a probiotic. It makes me dizzy when I truly take inventory of all the creams, pills, patches and powders that I add to my body system everyday and have for decades.

I account for all of the things I have done to my body, and all that I and many of us continue to do as a matter of course in our western culture, I marvel at its altered state. We live in a time where sometimes infections and injuries can be managed and we are encouraged to muster our best defenses by self care and vigilance. The corona virus has magnified the advantage of privilege to be one of life and death. Managing your blood pressure, your weight, your immune system requires resources. Without them you face illness and early death, as have the poor throughout history.

I am not without the awareness of the profound life of privilege I have lived and am grateful. I am not without awareness of the tolerance my body has shown towards my incessant tinkering.

As I close in on the end of my sixth decade, more active and happy than ever, I contemplate more changes to my sweet soul carrier, more tinkering. I close my eyes and pray my choices are wise.

I hesitate, only because at this juncture I am not sure of anything except love. That I hold firmly and clearly. And perhaps love will guide me to choose the advancements of science I wish to employ wisely.

Margaret D Kruger

Copyright August 2020

All rights reserved

Sarasota FL 34238